RANDOMONDAY #8 SOUTHERNISMS

Idioms seldom found North of the Mason/Dixon Line:


I Wishta gosh.....................I do sincerely hope.

I hopeta shout....................It's the absolute Truth, or: I couldn’t agree more.

Hind Wheels of Destruction...My first MIL’s description of either a messy house or the looks of a lady whose grooming left something to be desired.

Omtombow........................I am speaking of . . .

Hissy fit............................Angry outburst ranging from actual hissing at the object of wrath, when others may overhear, to screeching, plate-throwing tantrum. Usually indulged in by females, but a Good Ole Boy, who has witnessed these all his life, may surprise you with quite a creditable one of his own, on occasion. Such as being on a charter boat and having the marlin get clean away. With his new $700 Star Chair rod. For plates, substitute beer cans, ice chests, life preservers, and a brand new watch, flung off his wrist by accident in the frenzy of his fit.

Screamin’ heenie................Ditto, but starts out full-blown, without any of the hissy buildup.

Slick over cloudy.................Raining and gonna get worse.

Come up a wind..................Started to storm.

Commenceta rainin’.............Began to rain, especially spoken by someone WAY out in the field when the storm started.

Takin’ on............................Crying or wailing or gnashing teeth.

Makin' over.........................Differs from Takin' on in that it refers to fawning or flattering over someone or something, like excessive cooing at a baby or admiring Darla Faye's unfortunate new hairdo.

Don’t let on........................Do not dare speak of what I just told you.

Dog in the fight...................An interest beyond curiosity in whatever’s happening. If the proceedings will affect you personally, you can complain, speak up, or sue. Otherwise, shut up about it.

Lit a shuck.........................Ran fast, usually AWAY from something. Paralleled by bat-outa-Hell.

Puttin’ on the dawg.............Putting on airs; dressing, entertaining, or purchasing beyond your means.

Puttin’ the big pot in the little one....Entertaining a big crowd.

Might could........................Perhaps I’ll be able to.

Ditten GO to......................Did not mean to.

My favorite is a personal one, from something that really happened back in the 70’s:

My Mother told of an afternoon visit from a nearby neighbor’s maid, on her way home from work. She described the woman, already known to all of us, as “like somebody who never did anything right in her life.” I think that was a little bit mean, for Effie was kind and cheerful, with a deep belief in the healing properties of Vicks’ Salve, alkyrub and Rev. Ike.

She always smelled of the Vicks, Summer and Winter, and just passing her in the grocery store would clear your sinuses right up.

And her employer regaled Mother often with the tales of the carefully-saved ones and fives, wrinkled and probably a little bit sweaty from safekeeping in her brassiere, which she sent off to Rev. Ike of the Golden Throne and the red velvet TV studio, in exchange for amulets, water from Lourdes, from the Jordan, or both, and microscopic wooden bits and rocks, said to be from holy places, and endowed with curative powers and wish-granting magic.

“Miz Bee,” she said, as Mother opened the door. “Is it all right if I get those grapefruit hulls from your can back there?” with a gesture out toward the alley through which came the big wheezy garbage trucks.

“Sure, Effie, but they’re in there with all the trash and coffee grounds and stuff. Surely you don’t want to use those,” said Mother, who had enjoyed many a bit of candied citrus peel from my kitchen, and whose mind could encompass no other earthly use for the throwaways.

“Yes, Ma’am, I’d like to have them,” she replied. “It don’t matter if they’re messy.”

“But Effie,” persisted Mother, “why would you ever want those?”

“Oh, Ma’am,” Effie said. “They just make such NICE garbage.”