GOTTA BE IN THERE SOMEWHERE

Desperate for a post without the “K” word.   A list from my journal of definitions; several are my own doing, and all the rest gathered in  unremembered bits and pieces.  If any are yours, sing out---I totally believe in Credit Where Due.

Pinecushion---that wonderful carpet in a forest that goes “critch, critch,” as you walk.

Cashtration: The act of buying or renovating a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas or common sense from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of abating. 

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted  where you wonder how they got up there.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day eating only things which are good for you.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.   Var.: a form of idiocy-by-propinquity.

Arachnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug: Evil in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Umplet:  A little lump in the rug that you have to sort of gudge along toward the edge with your feet.

And my absolute favorite, from years ago:

Disconfect:  The ability Moms have to remove germs by picking up your dropped cookie and blowing on it.

Says Rachel, off to sort through boxes whilst searching for some Ruth, a bit of Feck, two spoons of Hap, quite a bagful of AIM, and a pennyworth of WHACK, cause I'm pretty much out.